Do you want to go on an adventure? A day with my son

When my kids were small we had adventures, many of them. Whenever we wanted to get away I would ask, "Who wants to go on an adventure?" They both would say yes and off we would go. Adventures were our way of getting out of the house with no expectations. Sometimes, we’d visit the animal farm down the road, explore a park, or hike to the snow hole. The only rules were it had to be drivable and cheap.  

My daughter's adventures continued through time, morphing into drives when she needed to decompress, or a visit to our favorite tea shop. We started doing an annual trip around her birthday, always within a few hours of home and never more than a few nights. She loves surprises so most of the time I kept the destination under wraps. This mindset might have led to the year where my significant other and I packed the car, got our four kids in it and took them on an adventure. They literally didn't know we were going away for a week. I know this is extreme, but it was fun, we gave them clues as to where we were going until they figured it out. So, her adventures were easy, just get up and go and sprinkle in some magic. We still do these when either of us have a need for some one on one time. 

My son's adventures morphed differently. Where my daughter's were mostly about the surprise and driving, my son and I didn't have time specifically set aside for adventures. Our time alone sprung out of a need to get from place A to place B. We drove a lot, back and forth to lacrosse tournaments up and down the Eastern Seaboard. Driving home after a match, we would analyze his performance. We didn’t always agree on what he did well or needed to improve on. He would rewatch his plays on my phone, breaking down each move. Each morning I drove him to school, we drove home from school lacrosse matches and went on trips to see colleges. Until we didn't. He stopped playing summer lacrosse and got his license. Then the driving together stopped abruptly. He got a girlfriend and a car no longer needing mom for transportation or to dissect his plays.

Now both of my kids are on the brink of adulthood, both soon will be off to college following their own futures which are looming with infinite possibilities. I will no longer be able to go upstairs and ask them if they want to go on an adventure. We will be able to plan adventures but it will be a plan, and not part of any ritual or lazy day. 

The car has always been the place that my kids talk, they open up. On a recent trip my son opened up about his experiences overseas while visiting a friend's family. The conversation was honest and raw it was a gift to see him like that.  So we have certainly had time together, but I have not planned a special time with him in over a year. 

With him on the cusp of college I need to have more adventures with him now. He is hard to plan a day for. We have fallen away from this routine making it harder and it has the feeling of more pressure. I want to get it right. Even broaching the subject with my son felt unnatural. I asked him if he wanted to spend a day with me, and I was nervous he would say no, he was busy, or maybe he would put me off until another time. But he didn't when I asked he said yes right away. Now it is here, our adventure is tomorrow. 

I mentioned that his haven't been a planned thing, it has sprung up out of necessity over the last few years, so I wasn't even sure what he would want to do. I researched and sent him a list of different ideas, museums, shopping, diners, drives to a scenic location. He looked the list over decided on Barnes and Noble to select a book, then reading at home over take-out. It was the simplest of all the ideas and made me happy,  I put all this stress on myself to try and find interesting new things. But, he like myself, just wanted to spend the day together. I did something right with this kid. Now I get to wait with anticipation until tomorrow.

Tomorrow came, and our day turned into more than that. We went to the book store and I learned what kind of books he reads for fun when not studying for a physics exam. He has been studying so hard that I was unsure of if he even knew what he likes to read for pleasure. A couple trips up and down the aisles helped him settle on a subject. It gave him the time and leisure that might just bring back a loved but forgotten past time.  

We talked about his college path. The thought that he can go to school, and that he can change his mind. I wanted to give him the gift of knowing that he isn’t locked into a single path at 17. He can go to school, explore, and change his mind. Nothing is set in stone. Whether it is his major or even the college, these decisions are important but he has the freedom to change his mind. We went to lunch and looked for new shoes. He even decided to finally commit to his number one college choice. When the day ended he asked if we could go on a drive the next day because we weren't done. I should have asked him for this day sooner, but I am grateful that I did it now, while we still have time to connect more frequently. Soon he will be a call away, or I will have to get in the car instead of going upstairs to see him. I am glad I got my nerve up and rekindled adventures with him. Hopefully we can squeeze in a few more before he takes off on his big adventure yet.