Less Wine, More Time: My Path to Mindful Drinking

I like a glass of wine, sometimes more than one glass of wine. I don't drink everyday, I don't drink every week, but I do drink and when I do, I enjoy it. But sometimes I drink too much, and whenever that happens I regret it. I have completed a dry January, I have also given up drinking for longer periods, but I eventually decide that I would like a drink with a friend. 

I am not great at contending with societal pressures. No one makes me feel pressured to drink exactly, but was that a look? Did I hear someone make a remark? These remarks real or imagined call attention to my lack of drink. I prefer not to tell people I am not drinking to avoid the pressure of a well intentioned ask if I am sick, or driving, or other questions on why I am not partaking. Why does anyone care if I do or don't have one? This is something that is so ingrained in our society that I don't think there is an easy answer.

My Why:

So, cutting back or eliminating alcohol is hard but not impossible. But how? If I really want to do this, I need to have better control and a better handle on my why. So first, what is my goal? For right now, I think to have a more intentional relationship, with alcohol. 

With my goal in place what is my why? First, a little about me, I don't like to lose any time- ever. I don't mean that I black out, I don't do that. But I mean when I wake up in the morning and just want to go back to sleep, when I don't want to hop out of bed and greet the day. I am not okay with this. When I wake up and am not up to doing spin or yoga. I do not like skipping exercise because I had one too many. Normally I will slog through my workouts cursing myself. On those days I start my day but need an ibuprofen. When I can't fully appreciate being up and doing the things I like to do because I want to sleep, that makes me upset with myself. Is this my why?

I am a shy person and alcohol lets me open up this is on my list of why I like alcohol. Alcohol let's me get over the hump of uncomfortable first conversations, saying hello to someone you know sort of but not a lot. Alcohol allows you to be more open, but is that actually good?  

Is there a way to have some discussions and a little more fun without this crutch? Honestly I wrestle with this, if I am not comfortable saying something sober should I say it under the cover of alcohol? I think I would like to stop using alcohol as my tongue lubricant. I want to be intentional in this area of my life, if it should be said, say it sober, don't wait until you are drinking to say something important. This isn't the person that I strive to be. Maybe this is my why?

I may not like what comes out of my mouth when I am drinking but equally upsetting is what I am putting into my mouth. Did I eat that whole bag of Doritos, a tub of ice cream? The bag of cookies. None of those things would I do sober and it is something that I would be appalled at if I was not drinking. I don’t want to put garbage into my body—something I’ve been working on in all areas of my life. (That’s a different blog, but trust me, cutting out high fructose corn syrup is no joke!). So bottom line, a don't always like the choices I make when I am drinking. Another why?

Cumulatively all of the above are my why, how can I be someone who strives to work on herself but allows herself to be a slovenly big mouth? These why's point to intentionality. I want to make the decisions that affect my life, I don't want alcohol to make any of my decisions. I think this is my why.

As I age, drinking makes me feel cruddy, every glass of wine equates to one day of fuzziness. So days when I indulge in two glasses I have lost too much time from my hourglass. I am a planner and I like to have planned days, weeks, months, years. It is hard to have plan when you are losing time. 

I guess that is where I am now, I have not decided to give up alcohol, I just have decided that when I have a drink or two it will be a decision that I made and not a decision I let alcohol make for me. 

The Path Forward:

To drink more mindfully, I need support, and other drinks to make people less nosey. People want you to drink when you aren't drinking, for now I don't want people to make comments insisting that I am missing out. I do not feel like I have missed out, in fact when I am sober and others are drinking I realize how annoying drinkers are (I know a bit hypocritical and judgmental). 

I went to a gathering for my son's sports team and all the parents were drinking I thought. That night, I chose not to drink and ended up meeting parents I had never spoken to before. It made me realize that in the past, my cocktails might have actually kept me from deeper, more meaningful conversations. It turned out to be a great night with meaningful connections.

For my first step into mindful drinking, my sister and I decided to make our girls’ weekend alcohol-free. To prepare I may have gone a bit overboard, buying kombucha, grenadine, strawberry simple sugar, OJ, cranberry juice, seltzer, ginger beer, club soda, alcohol free sparking wine, etc to help us make whatever fun concoction we wanted. 

Before my girl's weekend I decided to test out my resolve at a Super Bowl party. I made mocktails and loved them. They were delicious! I didn't miss the alcohol, and I didn't eat as much! So win! The hostess normalized it by telling me lots of people are doing mocktails now, so no pressure. Maybe I was imagining the pressure? Or did my drink look like alcohol enabling me to fly under the radar with the guests? Maybe the excuses were all in my head?

For my girls' weekend we had so many delicious drinks! We mixed everything and tried all the different varieties. It was exactly what I was hoping for. We had special drinks, starting right after breakfast and trying new things throughout each day. No over-eating, no napping, no struggling to remember, or worrying about whether we were drinking too much. I loved it and didn't feel like I missed a thing, in fact it was one of the most blissful times the two of us have spent together. 

After these two experiences I am feeling a little more confident and think that I can do this more. Maybe there isn't as much to be nervous about? I know that I am not the only one who is navigating a more intentional relationship with alcohol. I would love to start a dialog on this area to hear what works well for you and where you have struggled. Let's support each other and see if we can help each other be more mindful in not just drinking but other areas of our lives.